As the global economy melts down and stress levels rise, it’s a good time to remind oneself that only in the darkness does real human growth come. Anyone can jet ski around the Bahamas and feel good about the world, much harder to find inner peace in the cold gray days of January with no job to feed the mortgage machine.

It’s smack in the middle of that chaos, when the known world no longer feels so familiar, when the psychic alarm keeps going off at 3 a.m., when you’re wondering, “Hey, maybe this really is the end?” that one must dig deep for the lessons that await.

Over the past few weeks first my wife, then I, succumbed to pneumonia. When my wife was struggling with the illness, I suggested that she ask herself, “What is being asked of me?” Understandably, she wasn’t too keen on that suggestion and offered one of her own that can’t be reprinted here.

Ironically, when I turned the same question on myself came the distinct understanding that I have always been weak when it comes to nurturing others. I am empathetic to their suffering, but I struggle to take the next step, reach out, offer a shoulder, to comfort. I will hand the homeless man a dollar, but I will not look him in the eye. I suppose this makes me a “limousine liberal”?

So I dig deep, try to “be there.” I rub her back, hold her fevered body against mine, offer gentle understanding vs. words of wisdom or suggestions for improvement.

Later still, when I came down with the same illness, boy was she ever there, taking care of my every need. And in the spirit of what’s good for the goose…. I asked myself, “What is this illness supposed to teach me?” Damned if the message didn’t come across, “You’re still not compassionate enough. Remember this the next time you too easily dismiss the pain and suffering of another.”

The big message in all of this: Yes, through pain, suffering, and hardship come life’s most important lessons. But our goal is not to force that wisdom onto others but to acknowledge it in ourselves. The moment we project such intentions onto another we have missed an opportunity. My wife did not need me to ask what was being offered: God or the universe or whatever you want to call it will take care of that, thank you very much. My job was to turn that question toward myself, in illness and in health. Good stuff and a reminder that only in our pain and suffering (physical, mental, etc.) does real growth come.

Lesson learned.